Mother Goose Was Cranky.

Well, hello!
I hope everyone's Christmas and New Year holidays were happy and safe...
G and I took it easy and had a lovely time. We rang in the new year on the couch with a disgusting bottle of sparkling cider-(that's what I get for going to Wal-Mart at 11.) they were all out of the grape juice. I had to search all over the store for it...I thought for a minute we'd be ringing the new year in with strawberry milk.
Yesterday I briefly considered doing New Year's Resolutions. I get so tired of making impossible resolutions, so I decided not to make any, unless I could absolutely positively get them done. Example: Have a baby. Ta-da! I know for a fact that I can keep that one. Kind of impossible not to.
Giovanni and I went to Zoolight Safari the night after Christmas...we had been shopping and I still had a little bit of energy left, so we decided to go.
Basically, an assortment of Christmas lights and decorations were thrown into the trees, and in random spots throughout the zoo. I'm guessing this is a thrill for children, because the place was crawling with little people...and their overly excited parents. I heard one mother screaming at her toddler, "BARLEY! It's SANTA! LOOK! SANTAAAA! GO TAKE A PICTURE WITH HIM!!"
Barley was so enthused that he tackled Santa...it was a blow-up Santa, which sent little Barley flying backwards...I imagine the picture his mom took is hilarious. And I'm sure the whiplash will go away just in time for kindergarten. :)
After we looked at all the lights, which took about 4 minutes, we decided to use our train tickets. A word of advice...if you ever go to Zoolight Safari, check the train line before you buy tickets! The line was massive! We considered leaving, but I said no, because we paid 7 dollars for the tickets and I wasn't about to lose that money. I pick the worst times to be cheap. So we settled in line, surrounded by a million hyped-up little kids. The people in line behind us were some of those Obnoxiously Loud people...you know, the kind of people who want you to hear everything they're saying? They had opinions on everything ranging from the length of the line, to the weather, to the Caylee Anthony case. They also had 2 obnoxious children. One of the children thought it would be funny to drip her sticky coke (it was dark so I'm hoping it was coke...it could have been snot or pond water, or urine even. I'm going with coke, the least disgusting option.) on my BCBG shoes.
Not funny. At all.
I have patience with kids, to a certain point, but when they mess with my shoes, all bets are off. I waited until her parents weren't paying attention, then gave her a do-it-again-and-you're-in-the-pond Death Glare. She scooted away like her backside was on fire. Their second, not quite as obnoxious kid was content to stand quietly and repeatedly pinch G's bottom. I almost wished the first kid had kept torturing me because a few minutes after she stopped, she stuck her hand in the fence and Mother Goose herself nearly tore it off, resulting in the most awful shrieking I've ever heard in my life.
Which, on the bright side, distracted Heinie Pincher until we were able to get on the train.
That reminds me to make a second resolution: In 2009, I will avoid the zoo, at all costs.